Flying - Man has always dreamt of conquering the skies. People wanted to reach the sky as far back as the Greek and Roman times. Some opened an umbrella in a windy field, others flapped their hands and jumped off a cliff, and them some opened up a can of whoop-ass and invented the first damn airplane mankind has ever known.

So what type of options do we have? Well, in the interest of cheapness (err..budget conscious consumer) I will provide my very own excitement-expense rating for the different kind of flying activities one can indulge in, starting right from Toronto.


Fly an F-18 for REAL (real simulation that is)

Tought love. This is just a simulation (ie. video game). An exceptionally expensive video game that is. It's right in our backyard (Toronto west-end), it's safe, and it's a little...gay. But hey, you'll at least feel like you're flying. I guess. Your call. Enjoy grandma, we love you Nana.

Air Combat Zone Cost: $50

Are you like that pathetic dork, who after years and years of ridiculing and failures, you are ready to settle for anything..and I mean anything? Are you prepared to die in a fiery crash, yet not even make the front page of the local paper? Have you always dreamt of being a traffic reporter on the local annoying community talk radio? If you answered yes to any of the above, then this one is for you. Check it out.

Canadian Flight Academy Cost: $120

Now at least we are talking about some real jets here. That was the good news. The bad news..there are none in the Toronto area (or Canada for that matter). So if you are John Q public and need to fly a badass jet, you need to head down south, where the yankees know how to have a good time and are not as uptight as the boring old canuck. Meet the Albatros, a feeble and relatively weak jet stunt-plane, who can at least get you a barrel roll for all the money you are about to plunk down. Enjoy Jimmy, you are a special boy.

Hollywood Top Gun (aka Makebelief Fairyland) Cost: $3,000 plus airfare to California

Leave it to the Russians..those damn motherf*ing Ruskies to enjoy life and give a big middle finger to the rest of the wussy world out there. How hard is it to take a real modern combat jet aircraft that is rusting in the hangar, put some fuel in the mother, stick out a 'you die, your fault' waiver, charge some serious cash, and let man exprience the only reason that he's been put on this earth for...fly a damn killing machine at a supersonic 2.3 mach-speed, breaking the sound barrier and all that is decent and normal in this world? Huh Canada, Harper..other whimpy liberals? Oh, right..the healthcare and education system. Right. You guys all make me sick. Back to the subject - Fly MIG is the closest you can get to flying an F-18 or F-22 without being drafted in the American Air Force and going thru years of schooling and theory and drills. Clearly not for the budget conscious consumer, but whatever. All of us can dream, no?

Fly Russia MiG (fo' real) Cost: $15,000 plus airfare to damn Moscow-land