Comedy clubs are great stress relievers and good entertainment for the buck. They also make good dates, as they lighten the mood and make everyone laugh...relieving that awkward silence one may get on dates. For guys and husbands it's great as they don't need to do anything, just let the dude on stage entertain your woman..plus you'll get a few good hours of nagging breaks. And she enjoys it, as studies continuously show humor is what turns women on the most.

So luckily we have quite a few choices of comedy clubs and comedy shows in the GTA. Yuk Yuk's is by far the best quality vs affordability vs location. They have multiple locations throughout the GTA (although expect the prime downtown location to get the bigger stars who can't stay in town too long). What you need to do is browse the 'Upcoming shows' link of the site to know in advance when good comedians are scheduled. This shows the downtown location flier.

That being said there are many others in Toronto, but not as famous, so expect less experienced comics and more amateurs (which can be just as good but more of a hit and miss). blogTO covers them pretty well so check them out.

Your other options are the Just for Laughs festival, which usually features only proven high-caliber comics and therefore charges a lot more for its shows. They are currently touring Canada so check them out.

And then there are the douchebags. I truly believe this term was born in the stand-up comedy world, as there are so many douchebaggery layers found here, one can easily become quite ill from it. Avoid these guys like the plague...worse than the plague. I would rather be the umbilical cord holder at an abortion party than watch a second of these douchebags. I would prefer to empty my bank account, purchase tickets and travel to russia, trap a wolverine, inject with rabies, then spread female wolverine bitch-in-heat urine all over my groin and set him lose on it, than listening to any of the following types. Oh and for the respect of these "comics", their jokes have not been altered in any way below.

The Annoying Douchebag
Gilbert Gottfried

You may know this douche from the AFLAC commercials..AFLAC!!!, or his skits on the Tonight Show always ending in "Son'of'a bitch" in a special annoying whiny voice. A few days after the disaster in Japan, classy as he is, unleashed a barrage of Japan jokes on twitter. He got his ass fired from Aflac and currently trying to make it up by touring around. Don't attend.



The Arrogant Douchebag
Dane Cook

What an a**hole! Seriously, watching his act is like pulling teeth...orphan teeth..w/out anesthesia..while kicking them in the nads. It's hard to tell at this point if this asshat is trying to act like a douche so people will talk about him, or if he got molested by the entire nazi SS when he was young, and he's just trying to repress those memories with awkward gay humor. Either way, he fails miserably and he should be stoned to death (and I'm being generous here..he should actually be raped with spiked clubs, then stoned to death from the groin up).



The Racist Douchebag
Kramer aka Michael Richards

Everyone knows Kramer from Seinfeld. Well he's doing stand-up comedy now, and you do not, I repeat DO NOT, want to sit thru a session with him. This guy was just not build for comedy, he was built for regurgitating lines on Seinfeld, and he did a very good job on that front. But stand-up is a whole 'nother ballgame of entertainment and he just doesn't have it. He's the poster boy for racist comics..you know, the one ones you see every now and then on TV or at a show, who think making fun of other races is hilarious, as long as you have a disclaimer attached to it or an apology at the end. While Kramer boy here was educating a black guy in the audience about "50 yrs ago we'd have you upside down with a f**ing fork up your ass", some latino wannabe comic (born in USA) continues with the 'mexicans over the fence' jokes, while some black guy makes observations about white people so weak at sports, that watching TSN gives them a hernia. Racism is not comedy fools, if you dont have material, stop touring the comedy clubs and just die peacefully.


The Douchebag Theif
Carlos Mencia

If you gonna steal jokes, at least steal the idea, then build your own punch lines. And even that is low...paris hilton, lindsay lohan low. Stealing stuff in the workforce is unacceptable and if any of us did it, we'd be sacked and humiliated like a retarded mule. Yet somehow the douchebag thief thinks this is ok as long as he changes the names of the persons in the joke, or the setting. FU Mencia and FU all you other comic thieves. If I find myself at any of your shows I will take my steak knife and stab the baby closest to me, just so the diversion is gruesome enough to have your entire audience remember "I'm never attending another Mencia show again..some lunatic gutted an innocent little baby boy last time I was there".


The Insulting Douchebag
Brad Garrett

You know em'. Most people cringe sitting at the front when going at a comedy club. "Oh, for the love of Jeff, don't sit in the front row or they'll pick on you"..they say. These unfunny diarrhea-factories are the ones who cannot, under any circumstances, think of anything funny, so they just pick on the audience and insult them hoping for a cheap laugh. They especially love targeting couples, making some sort of retarded joke about the guy's (supposedly) tiny penis, or the woman's promiscuity. These morons are everywhere, even on TV, and the only ones more stupid than them, are the idiots who actually laugh at their remarks (not many mind you). I've been trying to catch these jackasses at the clubs by sitting in the front and being an "easy mark" for them to pick on, but alas I haven't come across many. I don't like to pay money for an idiot with no material.


The Unfunny, Just Plain Awful, Douchebag
Dane Cook

Yes, him again. Just by mentioning his name twice in this blog will probably result in him blowing his load all over the keyboard after googling his name and finding himself referenced twice on a Toronto blog. He's such an attention whore that he would suck his sister off if he thought it would be put on TV. This guy is the complete anti-funny, the end of the spectrum, and if you really fancy yourself as "I can take anything", just google his acts on youtube. Go on, I'll wait. You know what..here's a pic of him again. If this face does not incite you to punch your screen, then you are dead inside and should really be in a doctor's office and not reading blogs.

The Female Douchebag

I had a whole paragraph lined up for some of the female comics, but I'm just gonna let the "material" do the talking. Enjoy.

Margaret Cho talkie liky asin jokey

Kathy Griffin and her lovely voice (someone give me a barf bag)

Whoopi Goldberg one-liners. The rimshot guy was found dead with a self-inflicted gunshot later that day.


Yo, writer...so then WHO IS WORTH SEEING???

Anyone not on this list! Nuff said? Go and enjoy a night out of comedy, laughter makes us forget all of our troubles. We have lots to choose from in T.O. just don't be choosing any of the douchebags above, ok?

Cost: $10 for obscure Absolute Comedy shows to $100+ for Just for Laughs shows