I think by now we've all felt the sting of the regular rape we receive when we try and venture out to the local movie theatre. Thanks to great monopolies (err..companies) like Cineplex and AMC, we can now enjoy our favorite blockbuster release for about $15/ticket after taxes and a nice bag of popcorn for up to $7 a bag. And let's not forget the mini slice of pizza pizza that will rape you for $7.25, and that sells for about $2 and change across the street. Realistically the studio companies (employing vicious mafia cartels, such as the MPAA), demand anywhere from 80%-100% of movie ticket profits from the theatre company in the first week of a movie's release.

Well, with fair prices like this, it just makes it that much more enjoyable to stay home, sit back and relax, and enjoy your favorite blockbuster new release on your lcd big screen, thanks to the good folks at Funshion. You can even get your favorite buttery microwave popcorn and soda from the discount market for less than a buck to enjoy your movie night.

Now wait a minute...isn't pirating movies wrong? I heard every time someone watches a pirate movie, an angel dies. Is that true?

Well, sort of. It's true in the same sense CIA and Bush were co-conspirators with the alien mothership in bring down the twin towers on 9/11 to incite unnecessary hatred towards the good folks over at Al-Qaeda.

Speaking of terrorist groups, the cartel known as MPAA, reveals the following hits when googling images of f*ck + mpaa:

This


And This


And This


To put it bluntly, if MPAA was my b*tch I would cut its tongue and use it to plug a hole in a wasp nest. If those executives were any more stupid, their brains would be declared such a disaster area that even FEMA won't touch. If that company operated in a developing country it would be legally called a military junta, and its board of directors would require a daily execution of a minimum of 20 political prisoners (also known as pirates).

Therefore companies like Funshion are allright for home movie night, but what if you want to catch the flick in a theatre? Maybe you don't have surround sound at home, or a big screen tv, or maybe you just want to get away from the nagging mother-in-law. Well, you can still enjoy a night out at the movie theatre and not get raped. Here's how:

The Alternatives:

1. You can use discounts to get around the outrageous prices you're being charged at the monopolies.

2. You can discover the wonderful world of budget cinemas. In Toronto you have Rainbow Cinemas, Bloor Cinema, and others, where you can enjoy the newest hollywood release for only $5/ticket. On special weekdays you can even get a matinee showtime for $2/ticket for older movies that you may not have seen. They're still a company, they're still turning profits to be able to afford selling you tix for $2 or $5 for the newest releases, so how the hell do you justify wasting $15/ticket at Cineplex and AMC? Well, that's up to you. The only catch here is the theatre is small (if that matters) and you don't get the gazillion inch, 6 storey screen. What you do get is a nice family outing, to a movie theatre with a large screen, with popcorn priced accordingly (nowhere near $7.25), and with a nice atmosphere on a cool summer night in TO.

Cost: as low as $2/tix

PS. In case I was too subtle before, screw MPAA and screw every Hollywood movie studio out there.