Halloween...oh yes, has it been another year already? I've already covered this event before, but given the important stature of it, I think it deserves a sequel. After all, all horror movies do, especially this-a-one. Damn, that's where the money is. Shaky home-cam movies. I wish I were a producer on that-a-one. Oh well, time will come, sooner or later, time will come.

In the meantime, how does one spend halloween? Well I suggest starting the night with a nice movie. Not horror, not zombie re-makes, not slasher Scream-type cheesy crap, but a true nail-bitting suspensful flick. One that has you climbing the walls with anticipation. One that you can watch in the dark, with the lights off and with your heart jumping out of your chest. I think this year's Grave Encounters is the perfect fit. I never felt more scared in my own home.

Then to top off the night, I'd suggest heading out to Screemers. They really went to town making sure your experience is as scary as it can get. Also to top it off they have a nice amuzement park carney show that, around midnight, feels a whole lot different than Wonderland. I vividly recall the Ferris wheel carney and his maniacal laugh, not letting us down even when we threatened a litigation suit. Damn, he was an evil SOB.

And then there's the zero gravity Gravitron. This thing is truly the spawn of Satan, a perfect fit for Halloween. This little contraption generates more vomit per cubic inch than a headshot of Sarah Jessica Parker.

Quick, give me a bucket.

Here's one tip for the rookies: DO NOT, under any circumstances, hold your girl in your arms. The G-forces of the ride will multiply her weight by 5. So if you have a cow for a girlfriend, then you sir will be crushed to an untimely death. I came out of that ride with a new-found respect for oxygen, the sweet, sweet O2 that we all take for granted. Is that irony..that I was almost crushed to death at a Halloween festival? Well, visitor beware. It's all fun and games until you realize something is off...just a little.


This 'lady', something is off...


Cost: $23.50/ticket

Well it's only fair I took time to talk about one of our most famous landmarks. Why now? Because we have an incredible deal for a very short time. Click here, print this coupon, and get access to CN Tower and its observation floor for only 10 bucks (after 8PM every day). So go catch the sunset and save some money on the way, otherwise that regular admission price they charge is reason enough to add them in the next issue of Al Qaeda's popular Inspire magazine (see below). If crazy Ahmed knew the extortion methods used up here in Canada, he would drop his AK47 and put up a ticket booth by the lake front, charge $34.99 for lakeshore entry, and would be happy knowing on his way to his 72 virgins our country's going to hell one loonie at a time.

$34.99 admission price...!facepalm!

You may recall some other evils unleashed on this city by the minions of CN Tower. But there are some positives. You can enjoy its views from the outside and let me tell you, that is one damn nice postcard. Despite the evilness inside it, I am proud to display it as part of my homepage image, I am proud it's a part of my city, and I am proud to use it as an example when the women ask me in the morning just how did I do that magic that they've never experienced before.

Cost: $10

Close to the T.O. area we are lucky enough to have 2 large animal exibits (Zoo's). The first is the Toronto Zoo in the east end, with the second being African Lion Safari, out west beyond Hamilton. By 2013 expect a third animal exhibit, the upcoming Toronto Acquarium. Finally we get to see the elusive MegaShark up close behind some flimsy acquarium glass.

The Megashark (or Megas Enourmous Sharkcus) as depicted in this documentary from the Discovery Channel.

But before that we need to satisfy our wild animal encounters at the Zoo or the Safari. Today I will concentrate on the Safari. The first thing you need to know is that this can be an expensive affair. A small family can drop over $200 easily on admission and food. Unfortunatelly lions kept in a place that is known to reach -30C in the winter, translates into a lot more colds and lion flu season.


Simba with a case of the sniffles.

Veterinary bills can be astronomical for wild exotic species, some of which are extremely endangered (ie. Cheetah's) and thus the expenses are recovered from ticket prices and $10 sandwiches. Not to mention it takes a whole army of security personnel and specialized trainers to keep the place running. Therefore to enjoy this activity at a reasonable price, then I'd suggest hitting Google and hunt some coupons. A lot of organizations also offer discounted corporate tickets to this place, along with coupon websites, such as Groupon or Buytopia. 50% off regular admission suddely opens this park to budget families and you can finally get close enough to pet the little kitty in a quiet garden, with a sleeping security guard far off in the distance.


Here kitty kitty kitty...OMG MY ARM!#$% SHOOT IT, SHOOT IT..ARGHG..gurgle..

Cost: $30 adult admission, $25 special fall pricing, $15 half price discount (must find it online)

Yes, I'm talking about

<----- this-a-one. A lot of posts here deal with cool stuff to do that does not cost a lot of money. Stuff that students and the unemployed can often afford. Stuff that provides quality and entertainment for a reasonable price. Sometimes the price is a little high, but so is the value and entertainment gained from it. But when you have an asshole(s) behind a product or service, you get this, and this, and more recently this.

Wait, what?

In case you did not click on that last link, it tells of CN Tower offering walking tours on the outside of its top. Something like this

Now you know me, I'm the first guy in the pool, up for any extreme adventure. But wait till you hear the details, and the rape you are about to get via its price tag. Now the details start out promising. It's built by the AJ Hackett group, which has built a lot of cool stuff like this in other parts of the world. It's the only thing of its kind in North America. It's...err...well that's all the good stuff.

The bad stuff begins and ends with the price tag, a whopping $200 after HST for 30 min of 'walking'. How bout the restrictions in place - for example you only have the drop on one side, whereas other skywalk towers done by the same group outside of north america can have drops on both sides...much more exhilarating. How about the group factor? 6-8 people per walk, ensures every photo of you will have 6 other strangers in the view ruining the moment. How about the no-personal cameras allowed? Why? So they can charge upwards of $20 or more PER PHOTO post walk. You want to brag or remember your walk, folk over $100 more. And don't give me the safety issue, the same skywalk on the Macau tower offer you the option to give your camera to the guide for safety and he'll take all the shots on your own damn camera. These thieves have sunk to a level lower than the North Atlantic Pickpocketing Duck, also known as the five-finger discount quack.


The North Atlantic Pickpocketing Duck seen here operating as a family business

Now I've had first-hand experiences with a skywalk like this in Macau, so I can make a direct comparison between the Macau skywalk (or the others currently outside of north america), and the CN Tower Canadian version of it that's about to hit our city. Keep in mind, they're built and maintained by the exact same group. Before you decide if it's worth it for you, consider the following:



So what have we learned? Hopefully you are a little more wiser now and realize this activity is a PASS. Not fit for any budget, not fit for fun, not fit for Toronto.

Cost: 200 freakin dollars plus some exorbitant amount for photos